I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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