Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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