Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Everything about him screamed your future.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
