70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
