He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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