Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
