It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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