If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
