Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
