I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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