Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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