yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
