After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize