i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
