Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
