Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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