I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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