Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
