I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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