i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
