I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
