Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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