Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
