Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
