Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drake has all the answers
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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