Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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