taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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