Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
