im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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