Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
