Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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