Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
