There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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