I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
