and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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