You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
