Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
