happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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