Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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