i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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