My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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