chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
