Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
