can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
