waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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