Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
