if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
