No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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