dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
