I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have post one night stand depression
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