just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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