I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
