I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
