Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
