Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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