the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
