The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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