remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
