It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
