so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
