I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
be right there i have to get my cape
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
