I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
