Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i drank out of a bidet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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