Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
