i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
