So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
