It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
