My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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