Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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