Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
